I am spending a few days in Las
Vegas, and it has afforded me the opportunity to dress unhindered. I really like
the make-up mirror here in my hotel room. (It is one of those theatrical
style ones, with the spherical light bulbs down both sides and across the top:
unfortunately, very good
for showing up chinks in the old armour!)
- Earlier this evening I spent a
very pleasant two hours, showering and getting dressed up. I then ventured
out of my room and along the corridors. It took a few of these trips to
get my courage up and get used to walking in heels again.
- Eventually I
went further a field - all the way to the elevators! It took a big burst of
courage for
me to press the down button - I didn't particularly want to share a ride
with anyone else, and you never know who will be standing there when the
doors slide open! If there were people in the lift/elevator, my plan was to only
go down one floor and immediately exit.
- If I was alone, and the lift stopped
on any floor to let other people get in; then I would exit on their floor.
-
- Fortunately, when the lift arrived, it was empty, and I nervously started
my journey down from the sixteenth floor, ready to step out at any moment.
The hotel was very busy and as I descended, visions of the crowded lobby
got the better of me and I chickened out and stopped on the third floor. After walking up
and down a few corridors at that level, I was ready to go all the way - so to
speak. I held my breath
and went for it.
-
- Of course there was a crowd waiting as I stepped out.
I couldn't force myself to look anyone in the eye, but just looked down
and started walking.
- I was chanting my mantra to myself
the whole time " tummy in; elbows in; shoulders back; fingers together…
smile!" I don't know quite what I was expecting, but nothing happened.
No snide comments, no snickering or pointing. No amazed or disgusted looks…
nothing. As I walked around the corner to the second bank of elevators,
my heart was thumping in my bosom. I was very nervous and very exhilarated
at the same time.
-
- I stalled as I waited for a group of people ahead of
me to take the next lift up. And then I got into the one after that - with only
one person, a man behind me. I waited for him to select his floor and then
pushed 'three'. As I exited the lift, I breathed a sigh of relief mixed
with joy. I walked back to the other lifts and caught an empty one up to
my floor. Once safely back in my room, I collapsed on the bed and laughed
out loud, something I don't feel motivated to do very often. What a thrill!
I was tempted to explore more, but decided not to push my luck. I'll get
another chance in a day or two.
-
- [Two days later...] Tonight was a lot of fun! For whatever
reason I was feeling much more confident than two nights ago, and when
I started dressing, it was with the full intention of going down to the main
casino and just mingling with the crowd.
-
- Despite being more self-assured,
I was still nervous and my mouth was dry as I waited for the lift to arrive.
I stood well back from the doors so that I could get a sideways look as
they opened. That way, if anyone was inside I could pretend that I wasn't
planning on entering. But the coast was clear and down I went.
- As I stepped
out into the lobby, the evening security guard had taken his post, vetting
each guest as they approached. I saw him look at me and then immediately
turn his attention to some guests about to enter the lift area. "So
far so good" I thought. This time I did keep my eyes up and watched
for who was watching me. In a way I was surprised by how little attention
I was attracting. You can see from the photos on my Gallery page, that
I was very conservatively dressed (fitted in nicely with a lot of business
convention attendees who are currently in town). So, the more time I spent
walking around the more confident I became.
- I did however become very aware
of my height. With my 2" heels, I was 6' 1" (1.85m), and taller
than a good portion of the men wandering around. I think this attribute,
over which I have no control (except not to wear heels) is my least feminine.
For the first time in my life, I found myself wishing I was a few inches
shorter. Despite this concern, after a while I really started to enjoy
myself.
- I would sit at the slot machines and watch the people go by. When
I was seated, practically no one gave me a second look. I did find that
having my legs crossed for extended periods of time was uncomfortable -
mainly because I couldn't very well adjust myself before sitting down and
certain aspects of my male anatomy found themselves under unusual pressure!
I will have to find a way to get around that problem. Any hints anyone?
- One thing I had wondered about
was how I would cope psychologically with being read. Of course it did
happen - several times that I am aware of and probably many more that I
didn't notice. Actually, It didn't bother me in the least. It was mostly
women who looked me over as I walked by and then I would see them turn
to their companion and whisper something. Then he or she would also look
at me. But no one laughed out loud or said anything directly to me. Perhaps
I would have been more affected (not to mention embarrassed) if that had
been the case.
- The time when I felt most uncomfortable was when I was standing
near some railings watching the crowd below. Three guys, in their late
twenties came and stood next to me. After a moment, I saw out of the corner
of my eye, the one furthest away discretely lean forward to get a better
look at me. Then he said something to his friend, who duly "sneaked
a peek" also. I glanced at the first one, and I knew by his expression
that they weren't looking at me because they thought I was a good looking
woman. They were trying to make up their minds what I was. That was my cue to move on.
-
- Despite these incidents I decided to go back to my room
and get my camera. Finding places where I could rest the camera without
a tripod and set the self-timer, was not easy. Also, when the flash went
off, it attracted more attention to me than I really wanted. But I managed
to take a few photos that way. Towards the
end of the evening, I had this strong desire to ask someone to take my
photo. I decided to ask an elderly gentleman who was standing beside some
slots and looking somewhat bored. So I cleared my throat, and in my best
femme voice I went up and asked, and he readily agreed to take the shot.
I wasn't planning on saying much to him, but he had difficulty in finding
the button on the camera and I had to explain it to him. I have no idea
what he was really thinking, but he didn't say anything, or act in a way
that suggested he thought I was anything other than what I appeared to
be. I thanked him and moved on again.
- At this point I decided to quit
while I was ahead, and go back to the relative safety of my room. All in
all, I was out and about for almost three hours! I had a great time and
achieved exactly what I set out to do, which was to gain confidence by
being seen in public. (I was probably seen by more people this evening
than would be at a mall on a Saturday!)
-
- What's next? Good question. I have
no idea. I would love to have had some constructive feedback on what I
did well tonight and what needed improving. But a lot of the time being
a CD'er is a one woman job.
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